January 19, 2012

The perils of camsex

Posted in Masterbation tagged camsex, Everything Happens to me, Pip, webcamsex at 8:37 am by woodynyou

I am a pip.  It’s like the song says…everything happens to me.  What now, you ask?  Have I been robbed again?  Have I broken my fingers, preventing me from earning my modest living?  Have I reconciled with my wife only to break up again?

No, no, and no.  It’s worse.  You see, I am a camsex failure.

Let’s back it up.  A year and a half ago I bought my current laptop.  At the time I had noticed that it came with a webcam built into it — I think most computers these days have this feature.  Of course the first thing I thought of was, great, I can have unlimited camsex!

The trouble was I was still with my wife.  Even though we were all but broken up by then, between her and the kids there wasn’t much of a chance.

But, as those of you who are my faithful readers know, I have been in my own place for the past two and a half months.  Which means…

Cue the unlimited camsex!

There was only one problem.  I didn’t know anybody with whom to cam with.

Until I met Sheri,  She had responded to a craigslist post of mine, and even though we never got together, I couldn’t help but notice the little camera icon next to her name in gmail chat.

Last Friday night I came home from a gig and when I logged onto my email I noticed that Sheri was online.  This was my chance!  Quick as a flash I changed out of my gig clothes, stripping down to a tshirt, and I hit chat.

I asked Sheri how she was doing and she responded that she was online shopping for comefukme boots.  After a few more minutes of idle chat I suggested that we cam, and although she didn’t sound crazy about the idea, explaining that she was tired after a long day, she agreed.

After a few aborted attempts Sheri’s image finally emerged into the chat box.  She was a very pretty African-American woman in her late thirties, but she looked even younger.  She had short hair, a lithe figure, and a beautiful smile.  Needless to say I was dumbstruck at my good fortune.

For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of using gmail chat, it is a terrible program.  I could not, for the life of me, figure out how to make the image full screen, so I had to settle for a picture that was the size of an eighth of my screen.  What’s more, the chat dialogue box was blocking the lower half of the image.  It was like watching a moving postage stamp, albeit a sexy one.

We were talking and exchanging pleasantries, but in the meantime I was getting to work on my junk — you know, multi-tasking – figuring that at some point I was going to have to deliver the goods.

Everything was going fine until my computer crashed.

OK, stay calm Woody — it’s a mere setback.  You’re one reboot away from nirvana.

I rebooted, which for me means a five-minute delay.  So what’s a camsex dude to do?  Duh!  Play with himself.  I was stroking away so that I could  be at full attention when I reconnected with Sheri.

We reconnected, but just then I felt a familiar rush of adrenalin.  Something was bubbling up — coming to the surface — and it wasn’t old faithful.

Oh no…

I immediately stopped stroking and began to think of my mother in law, but it was too late.  Elvis had left the building.  Show’s over, folks, move along —  nothing to see here…

Sheri must have seen the look of horror on my face because she asked in an amused and surprised tone, “Did you finish already?!”

What does one say when asked that question?  I hadn’t been asked that question since I was sixteen.

“Why no!  Of course not!  I was just, um, remembering that I left some laundry in the washing machine.  Gotta go!”

So there you have it.  Cam sex:  It’s not as easy as it looks.  That being said, for those of you with a cam, a good sense of humor, and a whole lot of patience, I am here for you.  Let’s cam!

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